[Bill,
April 10, 2008]
Yes! You can be more interesting -- without infamy or achievement
Let's face it: You're not as interesting as you could be. Ever killed anyone? Every made and blown a fortune? Ever get caught in a public scandal?
"No," you're probably saying, "and I'm glad about that." After all, you're probably proud of being a valuable and contributing member of society and being considered responsible, trustworthy, loyal, thrifty and happy.
Well guess what? Happiness is not interesting. Conflict is.
But that doesn't mean you are condemned to a lifetime of being boring, ignored and unnoticed just because you are a happy, well-adjusted person. No, you too can become the center of attention in short order and with minimal investment. Even better, you can do so without:
-- the misery of wretched excess
-- the infamy of committing evil acts, or
-- a breakthrough human achievement.
Three fresh ideas
Sound too good to be true? It's not. If you want to be the center of attention, the kind of person people point to, stare at, and whisper about, consider the following:
1. Provoke a fatwa. Nothing says interesting like having the Iman of the Saudi Arabian Royal Place or an Iranian Ayatollah declare you an apostate, a blasphemer, or an infidel worthy of immediate, bloody death.
Action step: Make a movie pointing out the ruthless excesses of Islam. Publicize it on YouTube or your favorite Internet Website. You may provoke riots and a Muslim cleric may write a public letter issuing a death sentence. Backup plan: It's not as glamorous, but the leaders of the largest cult in the world, Scientology, can issue an order declaring you "fair game." They'll harass you or try to sue you into non-existence. But either will make your life much more interesting, and worthy of discussion around the water cooler.
Trap to avoid: Some people think ridiculing Christianity, and especially Catholicism, is somehow interesting. Sorry, it's dullsville. Rome does not issue fatwas. Neither do the Baptists. Ditto the Mormons. You can't even get hauled before a decent inquisition these days.
2. Provoke a human rights complaint. Human Rights Commissions in Canada and New Mexico will actually investigate thought crimes.
Action step: Mention Richard Warman, an Ottawa attorney who has filed half of all human rights complaints in Canada. He is currently suing many Canadian bloggers — and that's interesting. You, on the other hand, have not been sued. Yawn! What are you waiting for?
Trap to avoid: Human Rights Commissions also handle cases about discrimination in housing and employment. Don't get haled before the HRC for these offenses. They are commonplace and boring, and people will not like you, besides.
3. Provoke the right kind of celebrity. It may seem unfair to the celebrity, but provoking one to anger or violence (captured on video, of course) against you is interesting and may even make the news.
Trap to avoid: Provoking the same old anger- or violence-prone celebrities, such as Sean Penn or Bill Clinton. No, the trick is to get Halle Berry or Bob Newhart to scream at you or throw a punch at you. That's interesting.
Action step:There's a fine line between finding the area of vulnerability, and, well, committing a crime. No, you need to find them at a public, irritable moment, and then do something highly offensive — but not something that will generate sympathy for them. Example: Become a waiter at their favorite restaurant and be really passive-aggressive (it gives you plausible deniability.)
The bottom line: You can do it!
These are far from the only action steps you can take. The key is to stir the pot and if possible, make the nightly news. Be creative — like the Georgia woman who left her fiancee and disappeared for several days. It made the news for a week! And remember to take video and pictures — news agencies love that.
The best part: There are plenty of ideas left. Go find them and have people dropping jaws, buying you drinks, and laughing with you — because you've now become the interesting person you always had inside you!
"No," you're probably saying, "and I'm glad about that." After all, you're probably proud of being a valuable and contributing member of society and being considered responsible, trustworthy, loyal, thrifty and happy.
Well guess what? Happiness is not interesting. Conflict is.
But that doesn't mean you are condemned to a lifetime of being boring, ignored and unnoticed just because you are a happy, well-adjusted person. No, you too can become the center of attention in short order and with minimal investment. Even better, you can do so without:
-- the misery of wretched excess
-- the infamy of committing evil acts, or
-- a breakthrough human achievement.
Three fresh ideas
Sound too good to be true? It's not. If you want to be the center of attention, the kind of person people point to, stare at, and whisper about, consider the following:
1. Provoke a fatwa. Nothing says interesting like having the Iman of the Saudi Arabian Royal Place or an Iranian Ayatollah declare you an apostate, a blasphemer, or an infidel worthy of immediate, bloody death.
Action step: Make a movie pointing out the ruthless excesses of Islam. Publicize it on YouTube or your favorite Internet Website. You may provoke riots and a Muslim cleric may write a public letter issuing a death sentence. Backup plan: It's not as glamorous, but the leaders of the largest cult in the world, Scientology, can issue an order declaring you "fair game." They'll harass you or try to sue you into non-existence. But either will make your life much more interesting, and worthy of discussion around the water cooler.
Trap to avoid: Some people think ridiculing Christianity, and especially Catholicism, is somehow interesting. Sorry, it's dullsville. Rome does not issue fatwas. Neither do the Baptists. Ditto the Mormons. You can't even get hauled before a decent inquisition these days.
2. Provoke a human rights complaint. Human Rights Commissions in Canada and New Mexico will actually investigate thought crimes.
Action step: Mention Richard Warman, an Ottawa attorney who has filed half of all human rights complaints in Canada. He is currently suing many Canadian bloggers — and that's interesting. You, on the other hand, have not been sued. Yawn! What are you waiting for?
Trap to avoid: Human Rights Commissions also handle cases about discrimination in housing and employment. Don't get haled before the HRC for these offenses. They are commonplace and boring, and people will not like you, besides.
3. Provoke the right kind of celebrity. It may seem unfair to the celebrity, but provoking one to anger or violence (captured on video, of course) against you is interesting and may even make the news.
Trap to avoid: Provoking the same old anger- or violence-prone celebrities, such as Sean Penn or Bill Clinton. No, the trick is to get Halle Berry or Bob Newhart to scream at you or throw a punch at you. That's interesting.
Action step:There's a fine line between finding the area of vulnerability, and, well, committing a crime. No, you need to find them at a public, irritable moment, and then do something highly offensive — but not something that will generate sympathy for them. Example: Become a waiter at their favorite restaurant and be really passive-aggressive (it gives you plausible deniability.)
The bottom line: You can do it!
These are far from the only action steps you can take. The key is to stir the pot and if possible, make the nightly news. Be creative — like the Georgia woman who left her fiancee and disappeared for several days. It made the news for a week! And remember to take video and pictures — news agencies love that.
The best part: There are plenty of ideas left. Go find them and have people dropping jaws, buying you drinks, and laughing with you — because you've now become the interesting person you always had inside you!