[Bill,
December 12, 2007]
Experts: Things in U.S. have returned to normal
PHILADELPHIA -- After nearly nine years of craziness and controversy, where many Americans have been at each other's throats over politics, things have returned to normal, experts said today.
"The beginnings of the unhinging of the American body politic began with the events leading up to the Clinton Impeachment," said Walter Muncie of the Research Laboratory for Normality. "Then came the Florida 2000 fiasco, 9/11 and the subsequent War on Terror -- we've just been at each other's throats."
In the past few months, however, things have calmed down and Americans have returned to doing the stuff they've always done.
"People are once again gossiping about their neighbors, complaining about the weather -- without mentioning global warming, and engaging in conspicuous consumption," said Muncie.
Some attribute the sheer dullness of the current candidate field; others say that the two-year campaign has put politicians so much in the spotlight that they're just sick of them.
"Men want to watch football again and ogle the cheerleaders and curse the Cowboys," said Liberal Commentator Al Dunn of the left-liberal Institute for Quiet Fleecing. "They're smoking cigars and mentioning boobs more."
Women, meanwhile, have returned to worrying that their mates "don't get them."
"It really depends on what my husband gets me for Christmas," said Patti S., who asked for anonymity. "If that bastard doesn't get the 9,000 hints I've left for him, he's dead."
This return to normality is the welcome result of fatigue, according to both Muncie and Dunn. At the same time, they said, "People are sick of fighting."
Both experts agreed that in the next few years, you should increased self-focus from Americans.
"The beginnings of the unhinging of the American body politic began with the events leading up to the Clinton Impeachment," said Walter Muncie of the Research Laboratory for Normality. "Then came the Florida 2000 fiasco, 9/11 and the subsequent War on Terror -- we've just been at each other's throats."
In the past few months, however, things have calmed down and Americans have returned to doing the stuff they've always done.
"People are once again gossiping about their neighbors, complaining about the weather -- without mentioning global warming, and engaging in conspicuous consumption," said Muncie.
Some attribute the sheer dullness of the current candidate field; others say that the two-year campaign has put politicians so much in the spotlight that they're just sick of them.
"Men want to watch football again and ogle the cheerleaders and curse the Cowboys," said Liberal Commentator Al Dunn of the left-liberal Institute for Quiet Fleecing. "They're smoking cigars and mentioning boobs more."
Women, meanwhile, have returned to worrying that their mates "don't get them."
"It really depends on what my husband gets me for Christmas," said Patti S., who asked for anonymity. "If that bastard doesn't get the 9,000 hints I've left for him, he's dead."
This return to normality is the welcome result of fatigue, according to both Muncie and Dunn. At the same time, they said, "People are sick of fighting."
Both experts agreed that in the next few years, you should increased self-focus from Americans.