[Bill,
September 17, 2007]
Clinton Derangement Syndrome
As I've hinted at here, I've been trying to inoculate myself against Clinton Derangement Syndrome by getting used to the idea of a second Clinton presidency now. OK, let's go through the potential news from a Hillary first term:
1. Jan. 21, 2009. Iran threatens the U.S. with nuclear annihilation. Hillary surrenders. Iran celebrates. A few weeks later, Hillary approves an airbombing campaign that seriously degrades the ability of anyone in Iran to make war on anyone. When asked by the president of Iran what's up, she responds, "You really didn't think we were surrendering, did you? I mean, you can't be that stupid."
2. June 15, 2009. Hillary announces that employers must pay for 12 weeks of FMLA leave per year, and that any complaints by supervisors and managers are prima facie evidence of retaliation, and thus subject to Title VII lawsuits.
3. The next day, she announces her universal, single-payer healthcare plan. I get on line to get my shoulder fixed — surgery scheduled for June 16, 2021.
4. September 11, 2009. Hillary has the Navy shoot down four Saudia Arabian aircraft, for no apparent reason. "How do you like sneak attacks, assholes?" she explains.
5. September 15, 2009. Hillary announces her plan to reconstitute the employment situation in the U.S. From now on, there will be a centralized pool of job candidates, all of whom must be federal certification. Employers apply to the job pool, and a new federal agency decides whom they may hire, taking into account preferences for protected groups.
6. Jan. 1, 2010. Tobacco made illegal. Marijuana made legal. Federal laws require all states to require people on bicycles to wear helmets, but ban states from requiring people on motorcycles to wear helmets. You figure it out.
7. July 1, 2010. The sunsetting of the Bush tax cuts; this goes down as the largest passive tax increase in American history.
8. Jan. 20, 2011. The Supreme Court declares the right to bear arms "a dormant clause of the Constitution, like the commerce clause" and orders the federal government to disarm the U.S. populace. Hillary declares, "She'll study the matter."
9. Sept. 30, 2011. Food riots, gas riots, skirmishes between disarming feds and citizen militias, boiling seas, dogs and cats living together — Hillary responds to civil unrest by declaring martial law. In desperation, she replaces network television with hardcore pornography. That settles people down for a while.
10. June 20, 2012. Unemployment reaches 35%; severe Kleenex shortage reported; Hillary resorts to "beer for guns" strategy. Instead, local militias simply use the guns to rob the federal beer trucks.
11. Oct. 31, 2012. Citing civil unrest, Hillary cancels the November 2012 president election, and promises to hold elections in spring 2013.
12. Dec. 31, 2012. World suddenly ends, as per Mayan calendar.
Whew! I feel better.
1. Jan. 21, 2009. Iran threatens the U.S. with nuclear annihilation. Hillary surrenders. Iran celebrates. A few weeks later, Hillary approves an airbombing campaign that seriously degrades the ability of anyone in Iran to make war on anyone. When asked by the president of Iran what's up, she responds, "You really didn't think we were surrendering, did you? I mean, you can't be that stupid."
2. June 15, 2009. Hillary announces that employers must pay for 12 weeks of FMLA leave per year, and that any complaints by supervisors and managers are prima facie evidence of retaliation, and thus subject to Title VII lawsuits.
3. The next day, she announces her universal, single-payer healthcare plan. I get on line to get my shoulder fixed — surgery scheduled for June 16, 2021.
4. September 11, 2009. Hillary has the Navy shoot down four Saudia Arabian aircraft, for no apparent reason. "How do you like sneak attacks, assholes?" she explains.
5. September 15, 2009. Hillary announces her plan to reconstitute the employment situation in the U.S. From now on, there will be a centralized pool of job candidates, all of whom must be federal certification. Employers apply to the job pool, and a new federal agency decides whom they may hire, taking into account preferences for protected groups.
6. Jan. 1, 2010. Tobacco made illegal. Marijuana made legal. Federal laws require all states to require people on bicycles to wear helmets, but ban states from requiring people on motorcycles to wear helmets. You figure it out.
7. July 1, 2010. The sunsetting of the Bush tax cuts; this goes down as the largest passive tax increase in American history.
8. Jan. 20, 2011. The Supreme Court declares the right to bear arms "a dormant clause of the Constitution, like the commerce clause" and orders the federal government to disarm the U.S. populace. Hillary declares, "She'll study the matter."
9. Sept. 30, 2011. Food riots, gas riots, skirmishes between disarming feds and citizen militias, boiling seas, dogs and cats living together — Hillary responds to civil unrest by declaring martial law. In desperation, she replaces network television with hardcore pornography. That settles people down for a while.
10. June 20, 2012. Unemployment reaches 35%; severe Kleenex shortage reported; Hillary resorts to "beer for guns" strategy. Instead, local militias simply use the guns to rob the federal beer trucks.
11. Oct. 31, 2012. Citing civil unrest, Hillary cancels the November 2012 president election, and promises to hold elections in spring 2013.
12. Dec. 31, 2012. World suddenly ends, as per Mayan calendar.
Whew! I feel better.