"I'm Debbie," said my roommate. "I'm your girlfriend."
"Really" I said. "Where did we meet?"
"In the seventh grade," she said.
"I thought you looked familiar," I replied. "But now we seem to be living together. Your breasts are also bigger than they were then."
"We are and they are," she said.
"I see," I said awkwardly, not sure what to say. "Um, is it still the 80s."
"Barely," she said.
"How were they?" I asked.
"They were okay," she said. "Better than the 70s."
"That's a relief," I said. "Um, what have I been up to?"
"Well, you finished high school and went to college," she said.
"College?!" I said, quite pleased. "I have always wanted to go to college."
"You already went," she said. "You've graduated."
"I suppose I am a CFO or well on my way," I said. "I remember something about being a Finance major."
"Um, I have some bad news, and you may want to sit down," she said. "You transferred into journalism."
"No!" I said. "Had I no friends?"
"You had friends, yes," she said. "Better ones than you deserved. But they weren't any more sober than you."
"Well, they must have been more aware of things because none of them transferred into journalism," I said. "I mean, it's one of the few ways smart people who work hard can remain poor."
"Indeed," she said.
"Did at least I had fun?" I asked.
"I dunno," she said. "Most of the time you wander around in a drooling, drunken stupor, muttering about how things suck, except to stare every once in a while at a female and go, 'boobies.'"
"Well that's not very mature," I said. "Are you sure I wasn't referring to blue-footed boobies?"
"Quite positive," she said.
"Hmm...," I said. "Well, I suppose the 90s will be better."
Seven years later, I was sitting on a couch, leg broken, talking to a complete stranger.
"Apparently, I've spent the last seven years in grad school or traveling or working for non-profits," I said. "I clearly am trying to be poor."
"That's what we say."
"I better get a job," I said. "What do I do for a living again?"
"Who knows?" he said.
"Hey, this editing thing looks good, I'll try that."
Got the job. Been working ever since.
So that's it. That's my last 25 years. Or at least all I can remember considering I haven't slept much the past week. (Work-related.) Heigh-ho.