[Industrialblog,
May 5, 2005]
'Your limericks are like Vogon poetry'
As a professional writer, I'm asked to write all kinds of stuff. One thing I'd been asked in my new job is to write limericks.
Now, I am a terrible poet and didn't even want to try. However, my boss insisted. So I've given it a shot. And while I failed dismally ... true to my word ... today I got a surprise when my boss referred to my efforts as "Vogon Poetry."
I knew it was bad. I didn't think it was that bad. Apparently, it is. In the interests of conservation of matter, er, copy, I'm now offering my limericks for sale for assassination and torture purposes.
Lethal limericks: Send $50 and I'll ship 'em to you to use on your enemies.
UPDATE: Didn't sell 'em. But I'm gonna print 'em here, so be forewarned. Vogon poetry can be lethal.
l
An unmindful worker named Jake
Forgot a safety harness to take
He fell off the roof
And chipped a front tooth,
Which now reminds him of his mistake.
ll
Speedy Pat was always on the go
Running here and there, to and fro
He slipped on his duff
While rushing some stuff
And now he goes a little slow.
lll
A confident worker named Frank
Worked alone in a confined-space tank
Until he ran out of air
And was pulled out by his hair
By a coworker whom he’s now pleased to thank.
Now, I am a terrible poet and didn't even want to try. However, my boss insisted. So I've given it a shot. And while I failed dismally ... true to my word ... today I got a surprise when my boss referred to my efforts as "Vogon Poetry."
I knew it was bad. I didn't think it was that bad. Apparently, it is. In the interests of conservation of matter, er, copy, I'm now offering my limericks for sale for assassination and torture purposes.
Lethal limericks: Send $50 and I'll ship 'em to you to use on your enemies.
UPDATE: Didn't sell 'em. But I'm gonna print 'em here, so be forewarned. Vogon poetry can be lethal.
l
An unmindful worker named Jake
Forgot a safety harness to take
He fell off the roof
And chipped a front tooth,
Which now reminds him of his mistake.
ll
Speedy Pat was always on the go
Running here and there, to and fro
He slipped on his duff
While rushing some stuff
And now he goes a little slow.
lll
A confident worker named Frank
Worked alone in a confined-space tank
Until he ran out of air
And was pulled out by his hair
By a coworker whom he’s now pleased to thank.
There was a man from Limerick
Whose name was Limerick.
He read the news
On ABC News
And he always sounded like a limerick.
Possible candidate for: Worst. Limerick. Ever.
Like haikus, limericks have fairly strict metric rules. (Unlike haiku, there is no special requirement for each line to play a crtain role, a rule that's frequently ignored.)
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM (da)
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM (da)
(da) da DUM da da DUM (da)
(da) da DUM da da DUM (da)
(da) da DUM da da DUM da da DUM (da)
The beats in parentheses are optional. For a classic example:
There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nellie
There's more in your belly
Than ever came in through your face."
For poems I don't have the head.
Turns out he was right
So -- just out of spite
He posted them all in this thread.
(Not great. I need more coffee... or some Guinness.)
I don't know if it's the worst limerick ever, Paul. There's something kind of cool about using the same word three times. BTW, I once got in a car accident in Limerick, PA. But I don't have a limerick about it.