[Industrialblog,
May 11, 2004]
Dear John Kerry,
You no doubt want to win the presidential election. One question: Why? That's what I'd like to know. There are a variety of reasons, good and bad, for wanting to be president.
If it were me, I know exactly why I'd want to be president: unlimited expense account. People forget that the presidency is, at its core, a gig. And not just a gig, it's free food and housing, a six figure salary, but here's the kicker — you have an unlimited travel and entertainment budget. You can eat, drink and be merry with whoever you want whenever you want, and nobody can do anything about it for FOUR years!
I'd spend half my weekends in Camp David, flying in famous artists, writers, scientists and adventurers, and then have William F. Buckley, wreaking of gin, have them get into arguments with each other. The other half of the weekends I'd probably spend out of the country — probably skiing in the Alps, or scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, or canoeing the Amazon. I'd take no fewer than 20 weeks off a year — just like college professors, and the same time. January would be a long winter break in Belize or sub-Saharan Africa, maybe Kenya. The summers would be spent fishing in Canada and maybe some cool places in Russia. I'd take with me whoever was really busy.
What about the work? Ha! That's what the vice-president is for. I'd just delegate it all. What about diplomatic relations? Ha! That would be conducted on vacations. Tossing a few cold ones back with the Prime Minister of Norway, going curling with the Prime Minister of Canada — these would build up enough good will and let the professional diplomats handle the rest.
Oh, but this about you, John Kerry. Here's the thing: I cannot figure out why you want to be president. Bill Clinton was fairly obvious: He was compelled to be president by deep psychological needs, compulsions that also manifested themselves in self-destructive sexual behavior that almost brought down his presidency. Clinton needed to be president for validation. Ok, cool, I understand that. George W. Bush was less obvious; he seemed more drafted into it because it's the family business. George H.W. Bush seemed to want to be president to cap off his resume. Ronald Reagan wanted to change the tone of America, restore its optimism, rein in the excesses of governmental growth, and kick the Commies' asses back to Mars. Jimmy Carter was an idealist who wanted to impose those ideals on an unwilling world. Richard Nixon had the deep psychological need thing. LBJ wanted to create a better world while stealing as much money as he could....ok, you get the idea.
But why do you, John Kerry, want to be president? Is it just because that's what's next on your resume? Is it because as a boy you wanted to be president and you haven't changed? Or is it because you have a vision for America?
If you want to win, the best formula is to follow the general concepts of Ronald Reagan. Reagan wanted to accomplish specific things, and we all knew what they were. Do you know what specific things you want to accomplish? Do we?
Here are some friendly suggestions by a Reagan Democrat:
1. Smile. You already look more presidential than Dubya, but you look too dour. You are obviously a much more secure person than Al Gore, so you can smile safely without looking like Frankenstein is smiling at you. Presidential contests are absurd. Smiling shows that you know that, too. It takes some of the craziness out of it. And it leaves a lasting positive image.
2. Be optimistic about America. This is a tough one, because you're running against the tide in your own party, which has the perception of anti-Americanism. Don't feed into it. Be positive. Voters were left with a positive attitude toward John Edwards because he was optimistic and smiling. If you let the "blame America first" crowd take over, or the "All Republicans are Bigots" crowd take over, you're toast. You're running for the presidency of the country now, not the presidency of the Democratic Party. If your convention booes the Boy Scouts like in 2000, you're toast. In 1992, Al Gore and Bill Clinton threw bones to their opponents "safe legal and rare" and things of this nature, which showed respect for opponents. Be optimistic and respectful, and you'll glean off votes.
3. Get off the defense. Don't complain or even kvetch about someone questioning your patriotism, or the GOP attack machine, or Bush's evil campaigning. This just feeds the news cycle. Here's what you do instead: You set the tone for your campaign. Clinton answered every accusation before the next deadline by policy in the 1992 campaign, but he also opened up new fronts and did something more important: He talked about America to Americans in a way where they felt included. He'd didn't govern that way, but he did campaign that way.
4. Touch on the grand themes of America. Don't harp on them, but don't get too wonkish or too detailed. Americans are suckers for speakers who mention the hopes for our nation, touch on our failures, but especially how we've overcome them. Don't leave those themes to the GOP. Talk about freedom. Talk about opportunity. Talk in optimistic terms about helping the United States live up to its ideals. Use the word "Gettysburg" at least once in your acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention.
5. Steal. Don't think there are Republican issues you can't steal. There are a ton of them. You can go after the GOP on the budget, you can talk about strengthening the War on Terror, heck, grab school choice and tort reform. You're running for president. Just because your party is hostage to school unions and trial lawyers doesn't mean you can't relentlessly steal issues and relabel them. (Aside: I thought the stupidest thing the United States did during the Cold War was not coming out with a competing brand of communism to directly compete with the Soviets: New American Communism! Twice as effective, at half the price! Of course it would be basically capitalism with a few crooks thrown in jail first, but who cares? It's the label that matters.)
Good luck. If you lose on a positive and optimistic note, you'll be known as a "class act" for the rest of your life. If you win, governing will be that much easier. People like happy people. Being nominated must be the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Treat is as an honor, not an entitlement, and you'll have a better shot.
I know you're a bit of a European at heart. That's part of the problem. You still have too much Swiss boarding school, Yale, yachting with the Kennedys kind of thing going. Jeez, you were dressed up like Joop Zoetemelk the other day while biking; you looked like you could've been in the Alps. I'm not saying fake it — you're always better off just going with who you are. But you may want to try to look athletic without looking like you're running for the Italian parliament.
Oh, yeah, you've got another month and a half before the serious campaigning. Have yourself a nice bender. You'll feel better.
One last thing: Remember to play to win, don't play not to lose.
If it were me, I know exactly why I'd want to be president: unlimited expense account. People forget that the presidency is, at its core, a gig. And not just a gig, it's free food and housing, a six figure salary, but here's the kicker — you have an unlimited travel and entertainment budget. You can eat, drink and be merry with whoever you want whenever you want, and nobody can do anything about it for FOUR years!
I'd spend half my weekends in Camp David, flying in famous artists, writers, scientists and adventurers, and then have William F. Buckley, wreaking of gin, have them get into arguments with each other. The other half of the weekends I'd probably spend out of the country — probably skiing in the Alps, or scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, or canoeing the Amazon. I'd take no fewer than 20 weeks off a year — just like college professors, and the same time. January would be a long winter break in Belize or sub-Saharan Africa, maybe Kenya. The summers would be spent fishing in Canada and maybe some cool places in Russia. I'd take with me whoever was really busy.
What about the work? Ha! That's what the vice-president is for. I'd just delegate it all. What about diplomatic relations? Ha! That would be conducted on vacations. Tossing a few cold ones back with the Prime Minister of Norway, going curling with the Prime Minister of Canada — these would build up enough good will and let the professional diplomats handle the rest.
Oh, but this about you, John Kerry. Here's the thing: I cannot figure out why you want to be president. Bill Clinton was fairly obvious: He was compelled to be president by deep psychological needs, compulsions that also manifested themselves in self-destructive sexual behavior that almost brought down his presidency. Clinton needed to be president for validation. Ok, cool, I understand that. George W. Bush was less obvious; he seemed more drafted into it because it's the family business. George H.W. Bush seemed to want to be president to cap off his resume. Ronald Reagan wanted to change the tone of America, restore its optimism, rein in the excesses of governmental growth, and kick the Commies' asses back to Mars. Jimmy Carter was an idealist who wanted to impose those ideals on an unwilling world. Richard Nixon had the deep psychological need thing. LBJ wanted to create a better world while stealing as much money as he could....ok, you get the idea.
But why do you, John Kerry, want to be president? Is it just because that's what's next on your resume? Is it because as a boy you wanted to be president and you haven't changed? Or is it because you have a vision for America?
If you want to win, the best formula is to follow the general concepts of Ronald Reagan. Reagan wanted to accomplish specific things, and we all knew what they were. Do you know what specific things you want to accomplish? Do we?
Here are some friendly suggestions by a Reagan Democrat:
1. Smile. You already look more presidential than Dubya, but you look too dour. You are obviously a much more secure person than Al Gore, so you can smile safely without looking like Frankenstein is smiling at you. Presidential contests are absurd. Smiling shows that you know that, too. It takes some of the craziness out of it. And it leaves a lasting positive image.
2. Be optimistic about America. This is a tough one, because you're running against the tide in your own party, which has the perception of anti-Americanism. Don't feed into it. Be positive. Voters were left with a positive attitude toward John Edwards because he was optimistic and smiling. If you let the "blame America first" crowd take over, or the "All Republicans are Bigots" crowd take over, you're toast. You're running for the presidency of the country now, not the presidency of the Democratic Party. If your convention booes the Boy Scouts like in 2000, you're toast. In 1992, Al Gore and Bill Clinton threw bones to their opponents "safe legal and rare" and things of this nature, which showed respect for opponents. Be optimistic and respectful, and you'll glean off votes.
3. Get off the defense. Don't complain or even kvetch about someone questioning your patriotism, or the GOP attack machine, or Bush's evil campaigning. This just feeds the news cycle. Here's what you do instead: You set the tone for your campaign. Clinton answered every accusation before the next deadline by policy in the 1992 campaign, but he also opened up new fronts and did something more important: He talked about America to Americans in a way where they felt included. He'd didn't govern that way, but he did campaign that way.
4. Touch on the grand themes of America. Don't harp on them, but don't get too wonkish or too detailed. Americans are suckers for speakers who mention the hopes for our nation, touch on our failures, but especially how we've overcome them. Don't leave those themes to the GOP. Talk about freedom. Talk about opportunity. Talk in optimistic terms about helping the United States live up to its ideals. Use the word "Gettysburg" at least once in your acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention.
5. Steal. Don't think there are Republican issues you can't steal. There are a ton of them. You can go after the GOP on the budget, you can talk about strengthening the War on Terror, heck, grab school choice and tort reform. You're running for president. Just because your party is hostage to school unions and trial lawyers doesn't mean you can't relentlessly steal issues and relabel them. (Aside: I thought the stupidest thing the United States did during the Cold War was not coming out with a competing brand of communism to directly compete with the Soviets: New American Communism! Twice as effective, at half the price! Of course it would be basically capitalism with a few crooks thrown in jail first, but who cares? It's the label that matters.)
Good luck. If you lose on a positive and optimistic note, you'll be known as a "class act" for the rest of your life. If you win, governing will be that much easier. People like happy people. Being nominated must be the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Treat is as an honor, not an entitlement, and you'll have a better shot.
I know you're a bit of a European at heart. That's part of the problem. You still have too much Swiss boarding school, Yale, yachting with the Kennedys kind of thing going. Jeez, you were dressed up like Joop Zoetemelk the other day while biking; you looked like you could've been in the Alps. I'm not saying fake it — you're always better off just going with who you are. But you may want to try to look athletic without looking like you're running for the Italian parliament.
Oh, yeah, you've got another month and a half before the serious campaigning. Have yourself a nice bender. You'll feel better.
One last thing: Remember to play to win, don't play not to lose.
I would top it by being very positive just like Edwards (without the same populist twist). No one runs for President because they hate America, so he should make a point of reveling in the things he loves about the country.
SuperG: the positive spin, save Edwards, has been missing from the Dems since Clinton. Kerry occasionally can get there, but he really has to get off the defense.
I actually was in a campus comedy group in college, though thankfully we didn't have a political alignment.