My friend Dean has a
few issues when it comes to AA.
There's this:
Powerless? Bite my crank. I am not powerless. I've just gotten too self-indulgent. Don't tell me I'm powerless, because I'm not. The truth is, I've become a self-indulgent, self-obsessed jerk and I need to get this s*** under control.
Ouch. Plus:
I like the sauce too f***ing much. That's been the problem all along. 12-step programs may help some people, but honestly: they are bulls***. They really are.
And this:
This weekend, I went up to my sister-in-law's house to celebrate Memorial Day. At that get-together, lots of people had booze. Beer and wine were everywhere. When I went there, I made a conscious choice: I could drink booze, but I wouldn't. Because if I had indulged that urge, I would have been a smarmy, self-indulgent ass. So even though several opportunities to drink presented themselves, I consciously chose to say, "Nah, I'd better not. I'll just be a jerk if I do, and while I might enjoy myself then, I won't enjoy thinking about it later."
Dean, Dean, Dean, buddy. Love ya. Really.
This leaves me in the awkward position of defending AA. Why is it awkward? Because I don't go to AA, but I got sober in AA. Without AA, IB Bill would have wrung up so many DUIs by now my license would be suspended forever and I would probably be chronically unemployed and living in my mother's house as a pathetic loser in Florida. Not only don't I drink, but I really don't think about it. I don't get that cringing sensation in the gut when other people talk about drinking. On occasions around alcohol I might mention that it would be nice to be able to drink. But I won't. I choose not to drink. And then the thought is gone and that's that. I enjoy myself and even forget entirely that other people are drinking.
What AA did, and the reason I defend it to this day, is help me stick with that decision not to drink. I went to 18 months of AA meetings, almost every day, and did "the program" pretty thoroughly. I stopped going to meetings about 16 years ago. I am one of the few recovering alcoholics to join the U.S. Peace Corps (there's lots who join both groups, just in the opposite order, Peace Corps, then AA :) ) I lived in a house filled with people in recovery for years, helping others get sober.
Here's the bottom line: AA works. Don't be afraid to join, don't be afraid to work the program. It works. If you work the program and don't fight it, it's a
guaranteed way to get sober. You do the program, you "surrender to the process," and you'll get sober. I've never seen it fail because God doesn't fail. Not will you get sober, but the desire to drink will go away; in some cases, such as mine, God will pour out His grace so much that you literally die to alcohol. And after that happens, you can live your new life without alcohol and without missing it.
So AA is not bullshit. The exact opposite. It's a beautiful thing and one in which millions of people have found their lives restored. I've sat in rooms with men in their 60s, sharing how they abused their wives and ruined their relationships with their children, and talk about the beauty of knowing that their grandchildren had never seen them drunk and love them, and how their children, still wary, have begun to show them respect. I've seen women talk about how they lost custody of their children because of alcohol and drugs, yet they're piecing their lives together. I've seen relationships restored, love found, and hope renewed as people get sober.
But be forewarned — working the AA program for real is extremely strong medicine, equivalent to taking half a fatal dose of medicine, and it's not for the faint-hearted. You need big, brass balls / ovaries to work AA completely because you'll one day have to peer directly into your own soul without the comfort of a single rationalization or hiding place — and you're not going to like what you see there. And afterward, even if you get better, you won't be like those people who go through their lives without ever looking directly into their soul. It's the closest thing to the Total Perspective Vortex or whatever it was called in Hitchhiker's Guide. You'll know God, and you'll know yourself, and before you get that grace you'll know exactly where you stand.
Now, if it's so great, why don't I go? For one thing, and this sounds selfish — I don't need many meetings anymore. I took the medicine and now I maintain myself with my Christian faith. AA is a spiritual program, and I continue my spiritual life in other ways. Still, a few meetings a year help. Now what about helping others? Yes, I know. I keep meaning to join up again to serve others. It's on my list :)
But there's another reason I don't go to AA much: Dean has a point. Some AAers can indulge in extended, insufferable pious moralizing. Some meetings are cultish. Sometimes crazy people take over certain meetings. There are a ton of young people who have nothing more wrong with them than their parents didn't bother to raise them or teach them any values, and they have been shoveled into AA by a combination of parental neglect, schools that don't have a clue, and the recovery industry. And then there are people who swear AA is the only way to get sober and if you don't get sober, you're DOOOOOMMMMEEEDD! Other people judge your sobriety, saying if you don't go to AA you'll never be happy.
To sum up: If you want to get sober and want a guaranteed way, then go to AA. Do the first five steps without any reservation. Only do those five steps in the first year. Choose your sponsor carefully — it should be someone you want to be like, and that's not necessarily someone who volunteers for the job. Don't make any big changes in the first year. Stick with the winners and the mature people and steer clear of the nuts. Even in early sobriety you should know the difference. Stay out of relationships unless you're already in one. Then after a year of sobriety, find a good therapist — not someone who will take your insurance and tell you to go to meetings, but someone who will focus on helping you develop life skills. Go and find God for real, not a nebulous higher power you get to create in your own image. God is a jealous God and you don't get to tell Him what He's like; He'll tell you.
And then when you're done, you'll be sober and know some peace ... but most people won't know what the heck you're talking about most of the time :) Many people will actually condescend toward you! But others will understand, and then you'll have found a kindred spirit.
FWIW. YMMV.
